How to Control Sex Feelings & Should You?

Sex is so much more than just inserting the penis into the vagina. Oral sex, masturbation or self-sex- all these are facets of this pleasurable activity shared between two people with an intimate bond. Still, sex is considered taboo in many societies and often brushed under the carpet. So should we not have sexual feelings? No. Should you control sexual urges when they crop up from time to time? Find out here!

First, it's Totally Normal to Think About Sex

We're sure you also experienced immense amounts of misinformation surrounding sex and sexual feelings growing up. So let's make this explicitly clear- It is entirely normal to think about sex from time to time. Here's the truth about sex. It is an enjoyable activity between consenting adults and has multiple health benefits as well! Sexual feelings are entirely natural but not universal. Not all men may harbour sexual feelings, and that's normal too.

Also read: 69 position in sex- Myths, facts, tips and more

Know Your Sex Drive

Libido is a term for the desire to actively engage in sexual activity. The levels of sex drive can vary for everyone. Some couples enjoy engaging in sex every day. At the same time, others might have it once a week. How often you and your partner have sex depends on what you both mutually agree. And if the sex is satisfying for both of you, whenever you have it, then your libido levels are normal.

A high libido becomes a problem when you have no control over your sexual desires. The following factors can curb your libido levels:

Fatigue
History of sexual abuse
Religious norms
Anxiety and depression
Estrogen and testosterone levels
Excess intake of drugs and alcohol
Quality of relationship

How to Control Sex Feelings?

Sexual feelings are fundamental human nature. However, if you are wondering how to control sex emotions, then we have listed a few ways that can help:

1. Exercise to Control Sex Feelings

Men can channel their sexual energies through exercise. Going for a daily jog or playing a daily sport will consume your extra energy and help you feel good. Exercise also assists in building stronger willpower.

2. Creative Outlets to Control Sex Feelings

Channel your sexual urges into finding creative outlets that distract you from thinking about sex. This will also help you engage in creative thought and provide you with great personal satisfaction. You can try reading a novel, listening to podcasts or gardening.

3. Will Power to Control Sex Feelings

Your mind is more powerful than your body. Exercising willpower will help you in controlling sexual urges through healthy distraction. You can set up daily reminders or practice daily affirmations to build your willpower.

How to Control Sex Feelings Before Marriage?

Avoid getting into tempting situations where you find yourself alone with your partner. You can do that by making sure that you meet them in open and public spaces.
Think about your reasons and consequences if you find yourself tempted to indulge in sexual feelings before marriage. Reminding yourself about why you want to refrain from having sex can help you ground yourself.
An accountability partner or circle can help you control your sexual urges. Find people who encourage you to refrain from your sexual desires and support your choice.

How to Control Sex Feelings After Marriage?

Many times your partner might not want to indulge in sex due to workload or tiredness. This might make you wonder about how to reduce sex feelings.

1. Conversation

Tell them how you feel and try to find a solution together. If they can pinpoint a problem (stress, increased workload, time management), then you can actively try to find an answer that benefits you both.

2. Track libido levels

If you feel that you or your partner have low libido, you can undergo a medical examination. A sudden drop in libido can have undiagnosed medical conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Moreover, it can be a side effect of certain medications like antidepressants, birth control pills, etc. However, do not worry as you can increase libido levels naturally by following some basic steps.

3. Distract yourself

This could either be with work or engaging your mind in envisioning a better future for you and your partner. You can try to direct your energy in working hard and building a better future for your family.

Why Do I Always Think About Sex?

When men go through puberty, they often find themselves thinking about sex more than usual. This often makes them question how to avoid sexual feelings. However, the truth is that hormones affect your body and make men more curious about sex. You might find yourself sexually attracted to certain people and interested in new sensations.

It is essential to explore your sexual urges safely and healthily. Take your time before indulging in sex, and act on it when you feel ready.

Tips for Bringing Your Focus Back

If intrusive sexual thoughts are making it hard for you to concentrate on your work, the following strategies might help:

1. Push your Thoughts Aside for Later

When you have sexual thoughts, briefly acknowledge them and then set them aside mentally. This way, you aren’t suppressing them but committing to exploring them later. It helps validate your thoughts as well as your needs. And you can focus on your work at hand.

2. Take a Short Break

When you study or work for too long, your thoughts may begin to wander. Give yourself a break. Go for a walk, have a snack or drink and just relax for a while. Take care of your physical needs to positively impact your emotional mindset. A brief change of environment can reset your thoughts and bring them back on track.

3. Try Masturbating

Often, masturbation is associated with feelings of shame and confusion. What many don’t know is that masturbation is both normal and healthy. It offers many benefits which go beyond sexual release. It makes you comfortable with your body. Also, you learn about how you would prefer being touched.

4. Play Some Music

If you’re working, driving, or doing anything else that requires your undivided focus, then music can be an excellent way for controlling sexual urges.

Why Is My Sex Drive So High?

Changes in hormone levels like testosterone can heighten your sexual desires. These fluctuations happen daily and are pretty normal.
If you are going through puberty, your testosterone levels will increase ten times. This explains an increase in interest in sex during adolescence.
If you have newly found yourself in a healthy sexual relationship, it is normal to experience a boost in your libido.

Is Having a High Sex Drive a Problem?

A high level of libido is not a problem if you do not feel controlled by your urges. Having a high sex drive can indicate a medical illness or maybe a side-effect of some medication if you are older. Usually, young people experience heightened sexual emotions due to hormonal surges.

It’s normal to have a higher sex drive. And there is no exact measurement of sex drive. Only you can tell if your libido is higher than your partner’s.

A high sex drive can also be a sign that you have a good sex life. That’s why your body desires more of it. And it can also mean that you have lower stress levels, take a break regularly, and enjoy sexual pleasure time and again.

How Often Do Girls Want Sex?

Women think about sex as much as men do. Ladies think about sex an average of 18.6 times a day, according to research. Sexual desire is a basic urge for men and women. Contrary to the popular myth, women equally enjoy indulging in safe and consensual sexual activities.

Why Do Men Want Sex So Much?

Studies have found that the majority of men under 60 think about sex at least once a day. Some men experience sex differently and express their vulnerable side through intimacy. There is a distinction between having a healthy sex drive and overdrive. Sexual obsession, on the other hand, is addictive and should be managed through professional help.

Also read: Disadvantages of watching porn

How to Avoid Sexual Feelings?

Sexual urge is essentially an urge that needs to be released. You can try to focus your mind and practice meditation to calm your misdirected energy and help you understand how to control sex mood.
Understand the meaning of intimacy. Often our body craves emotional intimacy and connection with people. Replace your physical desire with emotional connections.

When to Seek Help?

Sometimes, unwanted sexual thoughts might leave you disturbed and may be worth consulting with a medical expert. You might want to learn how to reduce sex feelings for the following reasons:

1. Feeling guilt-ridden or shameful

People who grow up in sexually restrictive cultures or religions may typically face a hard time accepting their sexual desires. Even otherwise, if you have some lingering issue, it’s a good idea to consult a therapist. It can help you learn about healthy sexual behaviours, explore how to connect with your sexuality and work through your suppressed feelings to have healthy romantic relationships.

2. Inability to control sexual thoughts

For those facing compulsive and unwanted sexual thoughts, it could mean you’re suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If you show OCD symptoms, talk to a therapist to explore treatment options. In addition, if you feel aroused and spend more time masturbating or having sex, these can indicate hypersexuality or compulsive sexual behaviour.

Male vs Female Myths

A common stereotype states that men have higher sex drives than females. However, research reports that heterosexual women are often more interested in sex than their male partners. Some men may think about sex more than women, but a generalisation doesn't hold for all.

So, Should You Control Sex Feelings?

It is not necessary to control sexual feelings every time they occur. A healthy libido and sex drive is an indicator of general well being after all. However, you must exercise control over your sexual feelings if they hamper your day-to-day functioning and affect your social relationships negatively.

FAQs

Who Wants More Sex - Male or Female?

Sexual drive is typically higher in men than in women due to the higher levels of testosterone in males as well as due to the variations in sexual desires of both the sexes. But many studies have found that women have a greater inclination towards sex than men.

Can I Have Sex Everyday?

Yes, it is okay to have sex every day. Whether one wants to do it every day, multiple times in a day, or not doing it at all is completely normal. There is no particular ‘right’ amount of sex that is ‘normal’ because everyone differs in sexuality. It is up to you and your partner to decide what is okay for you both.

Why Do Men Want Sex So Much?

Men are so obsessed with sex because they experience it differently than women. The latter is more about the build-up and how you get there. The longing fuels sexual desire and women’s urges are intensely layered on emotion. But for men, it doesn’t need so much imagination. They do seek love, connection and intimacy, but the role of sex is different for them. For them, sex is the connection and their language of intimacy. So, they use it to show their tender and emotional side.

References

Terri D Fisher, Zachary T Moore (2012) Sex on the brain?: an examination of frequency of sexual cognitions as a function of gender, erotophilia, and social desirability (National Library of Medicine) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21512948/

Stacy Tessler Lindau, L. Philip Schumm (2008) A Study of Sexuality and Health among Older Adults in the United States (U.S. National Library of Medicine) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2426743/

Amy Muise, Sarah C E Stanton (2016) Not in the mood? Men under- (not over-) perceive their partner's sexual desire in established intimate relationships (National Library of Medicine) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27176775/